Yuffie's Guide to Everything
by Mystwalker
Summary: When Sephiroth decides to try and keep Yuffie quiet by giving her something to write on, the results are less than ideal. See the cast of the Another Side universe, from behind Yuffie's eyes! Because no one else tells it better! Slight AU, mentions of Seph x Cissnei, Zack x Aerith, and Cloud x Tifa.
1. Prologue: It Begins

**Yuffie's Guide to Everything**

**By:**

**Mystwalker**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

**A/N:** Because my **Another Side **AU is suffering from a severe lack of Yuffie Kisaragi.

**BACKSTORY: **Once again, if you don't read my fic, _Final Fantasy VII: Another Side, _the only thing you need to know for this one is that Zack, Cissnei, Sephiroth and Kunsel are in the party and Genesis is the main villain (the last one isn't really important for this little collection of fics). Oh, and the shippings are Zack x Aerith, Cloud x Tifa, Sephiroth x Cissnei, Vincent x ?. (It's up for debate, see the poll on my profile).

**TIMELINE: **Fluid, but _Disc One, _after Cid joins the party (prologue is set before Cid joins) but before the Forgotten Capital.

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**Prologue: It begins**

Since leaving Midgar with their ragtag group, it wasn't often that Sephiroth found himself with a moment of quiet. There was always something going on. Even when they weren't fighting or running, there was always conversation, activity, and occasionally arguments. He had come into his own in the middle of a long war, so he was not unused to chaos, but he had to admit that all else being equal, he preferred a little tranquility. Today, however, was different. Today, Cloud and the others were out exploring Rocket Town, leaving him to stay at the inn and hold down the fort, so to speak. Today, he was going to rest for once, put his feet up, and maybe even read.

Or at least, that was the plan.

"...and I can't believe Zack and Aerith—and will you at least say something? Do you even talk? Do they even _teach _you to talk in SOLDIER, or is it just like, kill, kill, kill, 'cause I don't think Zack has that problem, and he..."

Sephiroth sighed, looking up over the top of his book as Yuffie paced the room, a frustrated look on her face.

"Yuffie," he said, interrupting her. "Why are you here?"

"Cause I felt like staying in today?" asked Yuffie, blinking at him.

"No," said Sephiroth. "I mean, why are you here _in my room_?"

"Oh!" said Yuffie, her eyes widening. She turned towards him. "Well...Aerith said that if I was gonna stay here, then I should try and get along with you better, because apparently you're not that bad, or something."

"And...how exactly is this helping?" he asked, gesturing at the scene in front of him.

"Easy," said Yuffie. "I talk, you pretend to listen, we don't get at each other's throats, and _bam_! Aerith happy."

"Fantastic," said Sephiroth dryly. "You've succeeded. You can leave now."

"But I'm bored!" whined Yuffie.

"Then go outside."

She folded her arms. "I _can't!" _

"Why _not_?" he asked.

She gave him a sheepish smile. "Um...they may potentially have a teeny-weeny..._warrantoutformyarrest." _She held up her forefinger and thumb, holding them very close together for emphasis.

Sephiroth sighed in irritation, deciding it was probably best for his sanity not to ask. "Then can you at least go do something quiet?" he asked.

"Like what?" asked Yuffie.

"Read a book."

Yuffie made a face. "Boring," she said. "I don't like reading stuff by other people! I'd rather write my own! I'm way more interesting!"

"Then...do so," said Sephiroth. At her look of confusion, he scowled, putting down his book and getting to his feet. Sephiroth crossed the room, reaching into his pack and pulling out a notebook and a pen. He handed them to her. "Write a journal or something. Just, please. Leave me alone."

He didn't watch to see what she did with it, walking back to the bed. Sephiroth picked up his book and sat back down, putting his feet up again and looking back at his page. After a few moments of blessed silence, he looked up, slightly worried, but Yuffie was lying on the floor, already scribbling.

As long as it kept her quiet, it couldn't possibly be a bad thing, he thought, continuing to read.

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Yuffie stared down at the book in her hands as Sephiroth walked away, a grimace on her face. It was a boring notebook, hardbound and dark green, like the type a person might carry to make strategy guides or field notes or ledgers or something stupid like that. She held it gingerly between two fingers as if it was about to bite her, wondering how many Wutaian battlefields its owner had dragged it through. It was probably haunted by the ghosts of her countrymen, or something disturbing like that.

She grimaced, watching as Sephiroth settled back down on his bed like he didn't even care. Well, what was she supposed to do with this? It wasn't like she was going out to make a field guide or something like that...

An idea struck her, and Yuffie grinned, placing the book down on the floor and laying on her stomach as she flipped it open. She spun the pen around in her hand, opening it to the front cover and beginning to write...

_A Comprehensive Encyclopedia of Gaia_

_By: _

_Yuffie Kisaragi_


	2. Subject 01: The Cid

**Yuffie's Guide to Everything**

**By:**

**Mystwalker**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

**A/N:** Note that Yuffie's notes aren't all taken during the same day/time period. They're observational notes built up over time. Thank you **JazzQueen, DJ Meltdown of Ground Xero, **and **ryuukoshi** for your reviews! Hope you like this chapter!

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**Subject 01: The Cid**

**Also Known As: **Cid. Cid Highwind. Captain. Ciddie. That dude who swears a lot and drinks tea.

**Can Be Found In: **Rocket Town! Also wherever you can buy cigarettes and tea. And wherever there is a large gathering of airships or other cool looking machines. The Cid is secretly a geek.

**Physical Characteristics: **The first thing you notice about the Cid is the thick smell of smoke that surrounds him. The Cid does not smoke like a chimney. Chimneys smoke like the Cid. He dresses like every airship engineer ever, in a blue jacket, white shirt and boots. The Cid keeps cigarettes strapped to his goggles. I think this is because he thinks he will die if he does not smoke them. The Cid had blond hair and blue eyes.

But really, the smell. The smell should be your first clue.

**Notable Behavior: **The Cid missed his calliing as a sailor, and so he swears at his airship instead. Everyone who comes near him can be expected to be greeted with a slew of profanity. This is how the Cid says hi. He uses a spear and jumps around a lot—which it should be noted is the same behavior men have engaged in since they realized that if they sharpened the end of the stick they could poke people with it.

**Favorite People: **It's hard to tell who the Cid likes, because he engages in a complex series of growls and yelling when approached by anybody, however, with observation, one can learn to tell the difference between the "get away before I impale you on my spear and hang you from the outside of my plane" growling and the "I kind of like you but I'm too tough to admit it" growl. He has a special series of growling and vocalizing reserved for the Shera. I suspect it might be some sort of very confused mating ritual. It is clear that the Shera is trying to approach him in her own way, however, at the moment, the Cid is in a deep and complicated relationship with his airship. Seriously. If it flies and whirs and makes sounds and the Cid pilots it, **do not touch it. **You will find yourself wondering how all this spear somehow got in your stomach.

_Yuffie smiled, looking over her shoulder and watching as Cid berated Cloud for a long scratch down the side of the Tiny Bronco. She could hear the swearing all the way from here. Turning her body so that she could watch the scene better, she crossed her legs, picking up the pen and continuing to write..._

In the observation group, the Cid has been observed to seek out the company of the Barret when left alone. I speculate that this is because they are both crotchety old men and like to grumble about the rest of us (who they secretly like). And also, the Barret does not mind that he smells like a tobacco farm after someone summoned Ifrit. While fighting Genesis. In an inferno. He also has a soft spot for the Aerith and can't really say no to her (because really, who can?). He also likes to talk to the Red, once he got over the fact that the Red is basically a talking red animal.

Surprisingly, he and the Vincent actually get along really well. I don't know why, but I think it's because the Vincent's sense of smell has probably been lost over years of sleeping in a coffin and before that, being a Turkey. But seriously, I think it's because Vinnie is perfectly willing to leave Cid alone, and Cid is perfectly willing to leave Vinnie alone, and since they both leave each other alone that means they automatically like each other better and...thus...hang out more? Confused? Yeah, me too. Guys are weird like that.

"_Oi, brat!" yelled Cid from where he sat near the campfire, chatting with Vincent. "What the hell are you writing over there?" _

"_Nothing, Cid!" chirped Yuffie, continuing to write. "Go back to your bromance!" _

_Yuffie ignored the slew of profanity that followed, humming quietly to herself as she looked back at her work. _

The Cid secretly likes the Yuffie, even though he yells at her a lot. That's to be expected, because everybody secretly likes the Yuffie! (The Yuffie is awesome). He's neutral on Tifa, I think, because they don't have that much to talk about, but Tifa's pretty cool. (She wants him to stop smoking, though, which he _doesn't_ like)-_Yuffie paused, right on cue to hear Cid shout from the other side of camp. _

"_Goddammit, woman! I'm a grown man! Leave me alone!" _

_Yuffie grinned, shaking her head and flipping the page over. _

On the enemy side, I think he has a secret respect for the Reeve, because the Reeve builds things. Just not things that you can ride on. Erm...you know, unless you're into that. I don't judge—_Yuffie shuddered as she thought about Cait Sith. She shook her head. Some things could not be un-thought. _

**Least Favorite People: **The Cid does not like Shinra. _Anybody _in Shinra. But especially not Rufus Shinra. He doesn't get Genesis at all, or understand anything about what his plans are, just that he's someone that he needs to fight. Which is cool, because come on, who _does _get Genesis? He doesn't like the Turks either, which is completely understandable. Because of this, he has some problem liking the Cissnei...who is a little too Turkey-ish for his tastes. Also, I don't think he's sure what he thinks about the Sephiroth, but they tolerate each other because, hey, the Sephiroth also leaves him alone. He's okay with the Kunsel, because he discovered that the Kunsel is interested in mechanical boring things, like how the plane works...you know, besides being an evil motion sickness machine (and can also play a mean game of cards).

I don't think he knows what to do with the Zack. Because on one hand...there's that whole Shinra thing. But on the other hand...it's Zack. So they don't usually talk much, but there's no real dislike there. He actually kind of likes the Cloud. Kind of. _Yuffie watched as Cid plopped down beside the fire, still grumbling about the scratch in the Bronco. Cloud trailed along behind him, looking at the ground and avoiding eye-contact. _

Maybe.

**Recommendation: **When approaching the Cid, make sure to appear non-threatening. But not completely non-threatening, or he'll think you're a wimp. Just don't act like you think you're better than him, don't act snooty, don't make a comment on his cigarettes or show him that the smell bothers you, and...um...he might swear at you less. Actually he's probably gonna swear at you anyway. Unless you're a kid. Specifically a little girl. Like...really little—like Barret's kid little. If you're sensitive to that, maybe befriending the Cid is not for you.

He'll like you better if you want to talk about machines. Pro tip: If he asks you on your opinion of the Space Program, you always say that Shinra should have continued it and he so totally should have been an astronaut. Always.

Do not ask him if he is jealous of Sephy's wing because Sephy can fly and he can't. Really, don't open that can of worms.

Also don't ask him if he thinks Vinnie is pretty. It won't end well for you. But if you wanna ask him anyway, let me know before you do it. I want to watch.

**Final Conclusion: **The Cid's a piece of work. There's no getting around that. He swears a lot, smokes a lot, drinks a lot (mostly tea) and likes to stomp around and growl. But this is pretty much hot air. The Cid is secretly a nice guy with a big heart, like a fluffy chain-smoking, tea-soaked teddy bear. In fact, once you stick around him long enough, it's pretty obvious.

"_Hey, brat," said Cid, walking up to her. Yuffie immediately closed the book, looking up at him. _

"_Yes, Ciddie?" _

_Cid grunted at her choice of nickname, but said nothing, glancing at the fire. "Go toss s'more wood onto that thing. Aerith's all curled up like a ball." _

"_Aww, Cid," teased Yuffie. "You _do _care." _

"_Shut up," growled Cid, tossing his cigarette butt into the fire. "I'm fucking freezing too, you know? Just do it. And then go to bed. It ain't your watch yet." _

"_You got it," said Yuffie with a grin, jumping to her feet and keeping the book in her hands. "Yuffie is on the case!" _

_Several of the sleeping members of their party groaned, rolling over in their bedrolls. Sephiroth actually cracked open an eye, glaring at her. Cid's eyes narrowed. "Oi, what did I say about shutting up?" he asked. "People are trying to sleep here!"_

_Cid walked off with his hands in his pockets, grumbling and muttering something under his breath. Yuffie smiled to herself, flipping the book open and writing one last line before going off to put more wood on the fire. _

Just don't tell him that~


	3. Subject 02: The Cloud

**Yuffie's Guide to Everything**

**By:**

**Mystwalker**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

**A/N:** I haven't forgotten this! I've just been busy with other things. But here you go, the next installment of Yuffie's Guide to Everything. Thanks go to **Guest, Jazz Queen, DJ Meltdown of Ground Xero, ryuukoshi, **and **Draconic** for your reviews.

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**Subject 02: The Cloud**

**Also Known As: **Cloud. Cloud Strife. Spike. Spiky. Chocobo-man.

**Can Be Found In: **Originally from Nibelheim, but can be usually be found anywhere in the immediate vicinity of either the Sephiroth, the Zack, or the Tifa. In the event that you cannot find the Cloud in these areas, please call someone. We may have left him behind.

**Physical Characteristics: **The Cloud looks very much like a chocobo taking human form. Seriously, look at that hair. He has mako blue eyes like all SOLDIERs, and wears the uniform of a SOLDIER First, even though he never actually got into SOLDIER, because it's complicated. The Cloud has one shoulder pauldron missing. The reason for this is still unknown. Probably because he secretly thinks it makes him look cool.

(Admittedly, he _is _kinda cute. The Yuffie gives him an 8.5/10. Points off for the chocobo resemblance.)

**Notable Behavior:** The Cloud has a bit of an emo thing going on. Okay, so not totally, but the potentialis there, you know. Most of it seems to come from getting trapped in a basement for four years, which willadmittedly mess you up. I mean, look at Vinnie! Anyway, he's definitely got some self-esteem problems. For some reason, he didn't really like my advice that he should just 'be more like Yuffie!'. His loss.

Also, he is sototally a Sephy fanboy. But shh...you didn't hear this from me.

**Favorite People:** The Cloud has two heroes, and he approaches them in the way that most teenage girls approach love triangles. You've got your steadfast best friend who's kind of a goofball but always in your corner, and then you have the _mysterious _one. You know the type. The unreachable one with the flowing hair and the exotic features and the outward perfectness but underneath they're a seething pile of self-hate and the best friend never understands what the hero sees in them? Yep.

_Yuffie looked up from her book as Cloud and Zack passed in front of her, Cloud carrying a bucket of water in both hands and smiling slightly as he listened to Zack tell some great 'you had to be there!' story, his hands moving in the air as he gestured wildly. Sephiroth stood a few paces ahead of them, standing in the center of a large empty space with Masamune in his right hand. He was practicing, flawlessly moving his blade through the motions of a complicated practice kata. _

_Cloud drew to a halt, staring at Sephiroth with an awed expression on his face as the silver-haired General moved the overly-long sword like it was a part of his own body, twisting, stepping, and turning with the motions of the kata so quickly that the blade was a blur. Zack continued on for a few steps, then blinked, stopping in place as he looked around for his conversation partner. Yuffie grinned, watching as Zack's eyes traveled from Cloud to Sephiroth, his expression growing annoyed as he walked back over to his friend. _

"_Hello, Cloud...?" asked Zack. "Gaia to Cloud. You in there?" _

"_Uh...yeah," said Cloud distractedly, nodding. After a few moments, he blinked, looking back at Zack. "Sorry, what?" _

_Zack sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Never mind," he said. _

_Yuffie shook her head, still smiling to herself as she raised her pen and continued to walk. _

The Cloud can be a little oblivious sometimes.

And speaking of obliviousness, never is it more shown than when the Cloud is around the Tifa. Seriously. This is just frustating. He is _so _obviously head over heels for that girl it's just not funny. We've—er, the observation group's got a betting pool out when we'll catch them making out, for Leviathan's sakes! (Second only to Sephy and Cissy, by the way) The jury's still out on whether he realizes it or not, but when he's not chilling with Zack or making googly "teach me all your secrets" eyes at Sephiroth, he'll probably be around Tifa somewhere, doing whatever he possibly can to make sure we don't think he likes her. Boys.

Next one down the line in the Cloud's mental hierarchy of favorite people is a name you're probably gonna see a lot on these types of lists—the Aerith. Because, come on. The Cloud and the Aerith actually have a great relationship, in a "hey, you are so totally dating my best friend-slash-you are probably gonna be best man at my wedding, aren't you?" type of way. He's got a lot of sincere admiration for her, and she helps Zack look out for him, in her own way. I'd put them at "close friends".

Next there's the Barret. The Barret and the Cloud have an interesting relationship. Apparently, from what I hear, the Cloud was one of the first of the ex-Shinra group that joined AVALANCHE that the Barret took to. The Barret kind of treats the Cloud like a new recruit, and in return, the Cloud gives the Barret a good bit of respect and tends to put him on his team when we play "let's split up, gang!" He, Kunsel, Cid, Zack, and Barret make up the card game playing team of the group (I got kicked out because apparently hiding aces in your glove is called cheating).

He and the Kunsel are okay too, although they don't really talk a whole lot. They get along mostly because they're both friends with the Zack, and the Kunsel gives him a lot of friendly 'hey, I used to be in SOLDIER too' type advice.

Then there's the 'I kinda like you, but I'm not sure I get you' people. To the Cloud, that would be the Yuffie and the Vincent. The Vincent because I mean...nothing against Vinnie, he's kinda hard to get used to—although he's definitely not the strangest person in this group. However, he and the Vincent look like they might be starting to get along. I caught them talking one day, then ran off because it sounded like they were talking about boring stuff. Like morals.

I think he kinda likes the Yuffie too, because I mean, what's not to like? He doesn't get annoyed with m—with the Yuffie as easily as some people do, and he really tries to be polite instead of just telling me to GTFO, which is just a lot of fun.

"_I'm not cheating!" insisted Yuffie, as Cloud escorted her away from the poker game. "It's just the luck of the draw!" _

"_You had five aces in one hand," said Cloud flatly. _

"_Okay, maybe I cheated a little," said Yuffie. "But come on. It's just a game. It's not like I was hurting anyone." _

"_You also tried to make off with Cid's Materia." _

"_Well he was being annoying," replied Yuffie, folding her arms. "Besides you can't just __leave_ _your Materia lying around like that. I did it a favor, really, picking it up off the ground before it got stolen." _

"_It did get stolen. By __**you**." _

_Yuffie shrugged. "Well, if you want to look at it that way..." _

"_Look, anyway, Cid and Barret were pretty clear. You don't get to play until we're sure you're not cheating." _

"_Hmm?" asked Yuffie, grinning at him. "Alright, then how about a way to make sure I don't cheat?" _

Fun fact: He gets flustered really easily. Especially when you suggest a game of strip poker.

He and the Cissnei get along, but they don't really have a whole lot to talk about on most days. I get the impression that he looks up to her, but he's not sure about her because she's kind of hard to read (which...you know, give her that, that's kind of the point). Same thing with the Red. It's not that they don't get along—they get along just fine—it's just that they don't talk a whole lot, you know. But Red gives him advice once in a while and Cloud always takes it pretty well, and they do talk sometimes.

He's kind of neutral on the Cid. Some days they're good, some days not so much. It kinda depends on whether or not the Cid is yelling at him at the time.

Oh, wow. That's everyone in the party, isn't it? You know, for a quiet guy, Cloud sure has a lot of friends. So I guess it's not going to take much imagination stretching on your part to figure out who goes in the next section...

**Least Favorite People: **Alright, let's see if this blows anyone's minds. Ahem.

CLOUD HATES SHINRA.

Okay. Does everyone have that? Do we need to take notes? Well, take notes quickly, because I'm not going to say this again.

Let's see, where do we begin: Crushed childhood dreams, check. Destroyed his hometown, check. Used him as a lab rat for four years and left him for dead in a tube, check. Kidnapped best friend's girl-slash-close friend in her own right, check. Nearly shot best friend to death, check. Dropped a huge freaking chunk of metal on an eighth of a city under his watch, checkity, check, check.

Yep. Sorry, guys, Cloud's not likely to sign any pro-Shinra petitions any time soon. But his strongest feelings are reserved for two people. Rufus Shinra, and Genesis. One because he actually did burn Nibelheim to the ground and the other because he was probably sitting in his office in his white suit going: "Hey, why didn't I think of that?"

Oh wait. Another one. ROSSO THE CRIMSON. For dropping that freaking chunk of metal in the first place, and laughing while she did it. I think Cloud has a special place in his heart for her, and it's not the happy nice place either.

**Recommendation: **Not really much to say here. Don't freak him out too much, don't come on too strong, and you'll find that the Cloud is just a really nice guy. He might be a little shy and awkward at first—this is normal, keep at it. Once you get through that barrier, you'll have a nice, solid (if occasionally insecure) new friend.

**Final Conclusion:** The Cloud has some issues to work through, and definitely needs a confidence boost, but don't be fooled by that. He's got a lot more to give than even he's aware of. I mean, flip back to the Favorite People section again. How many honestly useless people do you know who have so many solid friends?

The truth is, he's not half-bad. And he's a pretty good leader. But we'll let him figure that out on his own, right?

_Yuffie smiled, shutting the journal and looking over at Cloud as he organized the setting up of camp for the night, giving instructions to Barret before pulling Tifa aside to ask her a question. When he didn't think about it, he actually adapted really well to the role of command. He just needed practice. She shook her head, lying back on the grass and looking up at the sky. _

_It was a good thing Sephiroth and Zack found so many 'good reasons' to disappear during set-up and breakdown and leave it to him. _


	4. Subject 03: The Cissnei

**Yuffie's Guide to Everything**

**By:**

**Mystwalker**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

**A/N:** Wow, this one turned out long. I wasn't expecting that, but apparently, Yuffie felt that Cissnei was complicated. Hope you guys enjoy it! Thanks go to **Erilin-chan, JazzQueen, Draconic, Gohan Roxas, **and **DJ Meltdown of Ground Xero** for their reviews. (And nope, not revealing the results of the poll yet! I set this collection in Disc One, so it wouldn't matter for a Vincent pairing either way.)

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**Subject 03: The Cissnei**

**Also Known As:** Ciss, Cissy, Shuriken, Turkey, Black Suit, Turkette. (None of these are her real name, but since she refuses to tell me what it is, I'm gonna assume it's Turkey).

**Can Be Found In: **Right behind you! No, don't look—ah, you looked! Why'd you do that? I told you not to—BANG! (In all seriousness, the Cissnei can be found everywhere. But chances are, you can find her hanging out with the Sephiroth or the Zack, or micromanaging something or another. She's got a knack of knowing when people are looking for her, so if you can't find her...then you probably shouldn't be looking.)

**Physical Characteristics:** The Turkey—sorry, The Cissnei has reddish brown hair that makes her look like a redhead in the right light. She's a little on the tiny side, with pretty standard brown eyes. She doesn't wear a suit anymore, instead choosing to wear dark clothes and a bulletproof vest, because—why the heck not? Honestly, it's kinda hard to describe what she wears because she can change that at a drop of a hat depending on who she's pretending to be. She's also probably got a million and one weapons hidden somewhere on her. Good luck.

She has a (admittedly, flippin' sweet) custom-made four-pointed fuuma shuriken called Rekka, which she uses as her main weapon. It's a shade somewhere between Vinnie Cloak and Genesis Rapier red, and with the right combination of Materia, can be lit up like a fiery Catherine wheel of death because if your problem can't be solved in some way by a steady application of more and more fire, you're probably screwed anyway.

**Notable Behavior:** The Cissnei is a slippery one. Her talents include trolling, sneaking around, spying on people, throwing a shuriken, breaking and entering, obtaining black mail material, and the occasional purchasing of items at a five-finger discount.

...So basically, she's a less skilled, less pretty, less cool, and less original version of the Yuffie.

She likes to act friendly and sweet, with a side of coy and some wit, all while being pretty solid and reliable on the job. Yeah, don't be fooled. The _real _Cissnei is one-part hitman, one-part drama queen, one-part workaholic and one-part troll, all sprinkled with a healthy dose of paranoia and all the issues that come with learning how to slit throats before you lose all your milk teeth. If you've met her, she probably already has a plan to kill you. Nothing personal.

**Favorite People: **Oh, boy this _is _a loaded question. Well, first of all, the Cissnei loves her some Sephiroth. Seriously, the amount of tension between them is so high that they shouldn't handle gasoline in case they blow us all sky-high. But unfortunately, the Sephy has no freaking clue what's going on and the Cissnei's lying to herself pretty much out of some twisted sense of duty that only the Vincent understands and makes me think there's something in the water down in TurkTown. (Translation: Gaia, kiss already!)

_Yuffie looked up from her seat on one of the crates outside a warehouse in Rocket Town, listening to the voices coming from inside the barred door. She spared a glance for the sword and shuriken beside her, making sure they were still there. Not even Sephiroth could tear through metal with his bare hands. _

"_Maybe the air vent?" suggested a female voice. _

"_No. Too risky. If the fan is on, it would cause more harm than good." _

"_I could try picking the locks again?" _

"_We would still run into the problem of that deadbolt. What about your phone?" _

"_No signal..." _

"_Very well, take a moment to survey the perimeter. We may find something useful." _

_Yuffie's face fell at the sound of them walking around looking through the boxes. Seriously? She picked up her pen and scribbled frantically. _

Also, locking them in a room together doesn't do any good. They just spend their time planning a military operation to break out. Yuffie's diagnosis: Hopeless.

The Cissnei and the Zack also have a really close friendship, enough that I'm amazed the Aerith isn't more worried—but then again, she has the Zack wrapped around her little finger. The Zack treats Cissnei like one of the guys—he sees her as a colleague and a comrade, and one of his best friends. I think he actually did try to get her to go out with him at one point while they were still working for Shinra, but that ship has sailed. (Asked the Cissnei about it. She admits to considering it but thought the whole creepy spying on him as part of her job and virtually stalking him would have been an unhealthy start to a relationship and then Aerith happened so whatever. Responded with: Oh, but SEPHIROTH...the guy who had his every move monitored by Shinra at one point..._that's _okay? Awaiting response. I think I broke her.)

Continuing with the Shinra trend, the Cissnei and the Kunsel get along surprisingly well. I...think? It's kinda hard to tell because they're both kind of private people, but they seem to get along well, and occasionally talk about information and things like that, because the Kunsel can be sneaky too. It seems like they've both formed a friendship/alliance built on keeping Zack out of trouble, and they make a pretty good team.

She likes to tease the Cloud. I think she likes him and thinks he's got a lot of potential in him, but even through she's only a year older than him, she kind of treats him like a kid brother, someone she has to look out for. There's definitely respect on both sides, though. I get the feeling she's just waiting for him to take off and succeed.

There's a lot of mutual respect between her and the Tifa. The Tifa follows her recommendations almost all the time, and the Cissnei takes Tifa's side whenever Tifa decides to step in and lecture the guys for something. They make a pretty good team on and off the battlefield. With the Aerith, they're not really as close. They both like each other, and they talk to each other, and they don't fight, but you get the feeling sometimes that they have kind of a "friend of a friend" relationship. Like they're friends, but only because they have common friends, otherwise they wouldn't have much in common.

Things are pretty good with the Barret as well. Apparently they started out distrustful, because come on, you're signing a freaking Turk onto your organization, but after the whole Sector 7 incident, things have been pretty swell between them. In fact, one time, the Barret even shocked everyone by being the first to suggest that we all chill out at the edge of a town while we let Cissy go in and poke around first to make sure it was safe, which, if you know anything about the Barret at all, you'd know that that was a huge mark of personal growth. Things are pretty cool with the Red too. Not much to talk about between them, but no issues. They get along fine.

The Cissnei and the Vincent get along pretty well—I know...big surprise there, right? They aren't exactly the kind of close friends that spill their secrets to each other, but there's a lot of respect and friendship between them that can only be described as "The Turk Effect". Seriously, being a Turk is like being a member of this secret club where you get automatic brownie points. I've actually heard the Vinnie correct her on some of her methods before. I think he secretly enjoys the fact that he's the senior Turk here, because she'll actually let him treat her like a rookie. I actually heard Vinnie warn her not to make his mistakes, which I guess is Vinnie-speak for "If you like that, put a ring on that before that marries crazy and freezes himself in crystal, goes crazy, or dies and you become an angry emo pile of regret forever". I'd consider that pretty solid love advice.

And speaking of the Turk Effect, oh dear Gaia, the ACTUAL TURKS. The words "its complicated" were made for this situation. Basically, the other Turks pretty much have orders to kill her, that cause them to become massively incompetent whenever they try to carry them out—except some don't want to kill her and instead try to secretly help her—except none of them really want to kill her, I mean it's nothing personal it's just Tseng's orders—except TSENG HIMSELF circumvents those orders when convenient and no one is looking, except, except, except.

Long story short, it's the sort of relationship where she and, say, Reno can have a long drawn out battle to the death in the morning where they both sincerely try to kill the other, fail, get cleaned up, and then go out for drinks after work, drop off each other's drunk asses at their respective houses, grouse about hangovers in the morning, and then go for another round of attempted death once the pills kick in. ("Oh, yeah, I know you just tried to kill me yesterday, but yes I will babysit your cat—should we do this before or after your next murder attempt?")

**Least Favorite People: **The Cid doesn't trust her. This is a common theme for her and something that she's totally not offended by at all, but it does kinda put a strain on their relationship. He once suggested that she might rat them out to Shinra/Tseng, and even though Cissy doesn't usually take things personally, that did kind of set her off. I think he secretly thinks she's a spy, but is sort of willing to let it go after Zack pointed out that nobody hides out in a glorified refrigerator with Sephiroth for four years on the off-chance that they might get to spy on an anti-Shinra situation—a fact that I agree with. However, she is a Turk, and even she'll admit it's a reasonable assumption.

The Yuffie will admit to having a bit of a rivalry with her because COME ON! She refuses to admit that I'm totally the better ninja, even though that's like, the most obvious thing in the world! She thinks she's the better spy because she's the "professional". Grr! I'm telling you, one of these days, I'm gonna knock her off of that high chocobo. I can kick her butt any day of the week, just watch me!

_Yuffie groaned, wincing as she brushed her fingers against the bruise on her face. "No fair..." she whined. _

"_You're the one who told me I could fight dirty," said Cissnei with a small smile, walking forward and holding a hand out to her. "Are you okay?" _

_Yuffie glared up at her. The two of them were standing in a clearing, their shurikens embedded in the ground a few feet away from her, points down. She thought she had won when she managed to knock Rekka out of Cissnei's hand with her own shuriken, then proceeded to slash at her with a small knife she had procured from the ex-Turk's own pockets. Apparently dead branches were a thing that could be used as a weapon. _

_No fair. _

...Alright, any day but Monday. I'll get her tomorrow! This time it'll be inside a building, WITHOUT BRANCHES.

On the Tsviet's side of things, she's got a vendetta on Nero the Sable—you know, for nearly killing her. Now she's in no way tough enough to take on Nero, but it's my personal belief that dreaming up creative ends for him is how she gets to sleep at night. But hey, you know what, I don't think anyone will be really bummed out about this. Speaking of vendettas, Hojo better watch out. She doesn't say as much, but she's secretly gunning for him too. Think she'll leave this one to Sephy and Vinnie, though.

Cloud and Zack can help too.

Hard to say what she thinks about Genesis considering its usually Seph or Zack that ends up fighting him when he comes around. I think so far, she's pretty ambivalent about him. You know, in a, "nothing personal, but if I found you while you were sleeping, I would shoot you" kind of way. (Yuffie's note: The Yuffie has a personal theory that they're related, because let's look at the facts: Same hair color, Gen's got mako so eye color doesn't count, same colored weapons, same touches of pyromania, same flair for the dramatic—Cissnei doesn't recite LOVELESS but some of the things she says can make her sound a bit like a space case, I mean come on, just ask her about WINGS one day, same ability to get single mindedly obsessed over something, and, AND AND AND! They're both adopted...sort of, in Cissy's case, and neither of them knew their real parents. Coooooonspiiiiiiiiracyyyyyy_~) _

Oh, and then there's Rufus. Let's call this another "It's complicated". Because on one hand, she's gunning for Shinra and all they represent—on the other...eh, years of conditioning are kinda hard to uproot. But I think she's pretty set on this. As in, Rufus is another one of those "if I find you, I'll shoot you", people. In fact, if he wasn't watched constantly by Tseng, I've got a pretty good feeling he'd already be facing down an angry redheaded ex-Turk.

**Recommendation: **The Cissnei will be perfectly cordial. She'll greet you, help you out, and along the way, ask several oh-not-leading-at-all questions meant to tease out your motivations and determine whether or not you'll make it home that night. Relax. If you're not trying to meet her to get information on us or on her or on Sephy, you will be fine. But she'll have contingency plans for your assassination. Don't worry, that's par for the course.

If you get into her inner circle, she'll start opening up. But I can't tell you what to expect when she does. Because the real Cissnei is still opening up. She's learning all sorts of new ways to deal with the world, so...you never know how she'll turn out.

**Final Conclusion: **Alright, let's be real here. Cissy's a basket case. She's gone from abandoned child to abused, starving street urchin, to Shinra pet project, to contract killer before most other girls stopped playing with dolls and keeping stuffed animals in their bedrooms, and that sort of thing is murder on the psyche. Because of that, she's got this weird, iffy, hard to describe "I am who you want me to be" personality going for her. Before joining the Turks, she didn't have an identity, and after that, her identity was "Turk". Now that that's been pulled out from under her, her identity's a pretty solid "I dunno".

But that's the thing. She's changing, and I don't even know if she realizes that herself. She's not going with the flow anymore—she's actually challenging people's opinions and making her own, and caring enough about them to see them through. So maybe someday she'll actually work up the guts to walk up to Sephiroth and kiss him senseless (because Leviathan knows that sorry excuse for a mass-murderer ain't gonna make the first move), and maybe someday Turkey won't be such a great nickname for her anymore. (I think Vinnie hopes so too).

Bottom line: The Cissnei's not a bad person.

Just a bad ninja. (:-P)!


	5. Subject 04: The Zack

**Yuffie's Guide to Everything**

**By:**

**Mystwalker**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

**A/N:** Writing this made me realize how much Zack changed over the course of Crisis Core. The excitable Zack the Puppy of the first part of the game wasn't really the same after Angeal died, for obvious reasons. I guess Zack's continuing to change, as is everyone in the fic. Glad I can be a part of that~

Thanks go to **JazzQueen, DJ Meltdown of Ground Xero, ryuukoshi, DacilJuju, Draconic, Furionknight, **and **TOWTWUKER** for your reviews! Glad you liked it, and appreciate your support! (And **TOWTWUKER**, who's saying there aren't pictures somewhere in the world, hmm~)

XxXxX

**Subject 04: The Zack**

**Also Known As:** Zack. Zack Fair. Zack the Puppy. Zack Attack. The Zackmeister!

**Can Be Found In: **The middle of the action! Sitting still is so not Zack's style! If something's going on or if there's a fight to be had, odds are, Zack'll be there. He's part of the group's "leaders", so you'll always find him talking with Sephiroth, Cloud, Tifa, Barret and Cissnei about "next steps". And if you can't find him there, then look around you. Do you see Aerith? No? Mystery solved. When he's not getting stuff done or smashing heads, he's probably off with Aerith for some alone time or hanging out with Kunsel. But it's kind of hard to tell, because Zack hangs with everyone. Seriously.

**Physical Characteristics:** The Zack still wears his SOLDIER First Class uniform because I seriously don't think he remembers how to wear anything else. Unlike Cloud, though, he actually has both shoulder pauldrons. Hooray for symmetry! He's got a ginormous sword (oh, grow up!) called the Buster Sword, which really doesn't look like something you should be able to lift with one hand, but oh well. Mako gives you super strength! Apparently the sword used to belong to his mentor's father, who died then passed the sword to his mentor, who died (because Zack killed him) and now Zack has it. So it's got a lot of history (and you know, may potentially be cursed. But we'll go with history.)

Appearance-wise, Zack's actually not bad. He's pretty tall (the hair adds a couple of inches, I think) with the usual mako blue eyes and black hair. He wears his hair spiked down his back for some unknown reason, so it looks shorter than it is, but I'm guessing it's got to be pretty long by now (which makes me wonder, if I find and steal his hair gel, is he gonna have pretty boy hair?). He's got a scar on his jaw shaped like an X that he apparently got from killing his mentor. Sometimes when he thinks no one is watching, you can catch him tracing it.

Yuffie's Rating: 8.5/10. He's hot, but taken, and I'm not crazy enough to compete with Aerith. (It's always the nice ones you have to worry about—they're the ones that snap in a bad way.) Plus ever since I found his nickname was the Puppy, I keep imagining this big slobbery black Great Dane running at people, and that mental image is so not attractive.

**Notable Behavior:** Zack's a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand, he seems energetic and carefree, but on the other, he can be really serious. He's the sort of guy you want on your team when things hit the fan—he'll fight for you, then stick around to help you pick up the pieces. Just make sure you bring Aerith there to pick up his pieces, otherwise you're going to end up with a depressed Zack, and when Zack's depressed, you know things are bad.

He's really into the concept of honor. His mentor used to be a really honorable guy, from the way Zack talks about him, and Zack's pretty much following that tradition. Once in a while, you can hear him reciting the "SOLDIER creed". "Embrace your dreams, and no matter what happens, never forget your honor as SOLDIER." Don't have the heart to tell him what _I _think of SOLDIER, I mean, come on. You can't do that to Zack.

As far as physical strength goes, Zack's tough. On paper he's the second strongest member of the party (Jury's still out since Vinnie's strength depends on his 'little friends' and Aerith can pull off some weiiiirrrddd magic when the situation calls for it.) 'Course, he hasn't seen my full strength yet, so we can't be so sure.

**Favorite People: **The Zack is dating the Aerith, which just proves that there's hope for everyone. Apparently he used to be a bit of a *cough*wannabe*cough* player, but he's grown up some and now only has eyes for one lady (although that doesn't stop him from making the occasional comment). Which is good, because if you're dating Aerith and cheat on her, you're ten kinds of stupid. (Yuffie's Note: She totally wears the pants in that relationship, but shhh, don't tell Zack that~). Zack would do anything for her, and hurting her is a surefire way to get on his sh*tlist. (Granted, you can say that about _any _of his friends, but, yeah, Aerith, just...don't.)

He's also great friends with the Sephiroth, which proves that even total monsters can have friends if they put their mind to it. Apparently, the Sephiroth used to be close friends with his mentor Angeal, and the last thing Angeal said to Sephy before he died was to keep an eye out for Zack. I imagine it went a lot like this. "Dear Sephiroth, I'm going away for a long time. Please feed my dog. Angeal". (Okay, so it was probably way more serious than that.)

He and the Cissnei are friends from their old Shinra days. As mentioned in my previous entry, he was briefly interested in her for a time (because she was female and at least a 7)-seriously, the stories I have heard lead me to believe that Zack must have asked out every cute, single female Shinra employee at some point. (But considering he was 16, I'm going to call that standard teenage boy behavior). But after Cissy turned him down and he started getting interested in Aerith, the two of them became really good friends, helped along by the fact that SHE WAS STALKING HIM FOR SHINRA. Seriously, that is kind of creepy. They even went on vacation to Costa del Sol together, something that would have been considered a date had Zack not spent every available moment sneaking off to phone Aerith (as Cissnei describes it). Oh, yeah, and then they were attacked by Genesis copies and then Tseng showed up and everything ended in a huge umbrella brawl. (You know what, scratch that, this sounds like every date I've ever been on.)

He treats the Cloud like a little brother/protegé/best friend, and the two of them are pretty much always hanging out. Cloud really looks up to him, as you can tell from my previous entry, because Zack was kind of one of the few people to pay attention to him and take him under his wing. So in effect, I guess you could say that Cloud is kind of like Zack's "puppy", except instead of picturing an energetic black puppy getting into everything and making a mess and chewing up the furniture and barking constantly, I'm imagining a little scrawny puppy in a cardboard box out on the street corner with big brown eyes and a look that says 'Please, _please _take me home?'. Anyway, Cloud's grown up some since then, so Zack's more friend than mentor now, and the two of them have a brothers-in-arms relationship that only comes about when you've fought on the battlefield with someone (or, in Zack and Cloud's case, when you spend four years in a basement imprisoned by a psychopathic mad scientist). The two of them have opposing personalities that just seem to work well together, and together they make a pretty awesome duo.

He and the Kunsel go way back. Kunsel was apparently in Zack's group of Shinra trainees, so the two of them have known each other since they were around thirteen and first picked up a gun. Kunsel and Zack became SOLDIERs at exactly the same time (along with three other guys who are all dead now), thanks to the Battle at the Hong Guo Bridge, and—.

_Yuffie looked up from her writing, her eyes widening in shock. "Wait a minute, that was **you**?" she asked, shooting Kunsel a look of accusation. The ex-SOLDIER First glanced at her from their seats next to the fire, a slightly puzzled look on his face. _

"_Um...yes," he said. "What about it?" _

"_You guys beat us back at the Bridge of Hong Guo? Dude, do you know how LONG Wutai spent planning that attack? What do you have to say for yourself, mister, hmm?" _

_Kunsel looked uncomfortable. "Uh...well, it was mostly Zack, actually. It was his idea." _

"_Zack set the bombs that made the whole mountainside come down?" asked Yuffie, resting her hands on her hips. _

"_...No, actually that was me," admitted Kunsel. "But it was Zack's idea." _

"_Those mountains were a cultural heritage site!" said Yuffie, jabbing her finger at his chest. "Do __**we **come to Midgar and start blowing shit up?!" _

"_Uh...actually, yes," said Kunsel. _

"_Well, you started it first!" said Yuffie, scowling as she sat back down. She opened her notebook again, picking up her pen murderously. "Fine. Whatever, keep talking." _

"_Well," said Kunsel. "We were at the Bridge. Angeal was in command, and we were getting ready to retreat, when Zack decided to..." _

Zack apparently got the bright idea to go hold off a proud and skilled Wutai invasion by blowing up the damn mountain. Which is just typical SOLDIER thinking, you know that? "Hurr, durr, this mountain is in the way, someone get me a bomb. I fix. ZACK SMASH". AAARGH. Alright, rant over.

Okay, fine, I admit it. I don't dislike Zack. In fact, I actually am kinda cool with him, despite the fact that, you know, he and Sephy kinda went hand in hand over the whole Wutai War thing. Because at least ZACK didn't become the war effort's poster boy. I mean, seriously, Zack can say he had no idea what was really going on, but there's no way Sephy McStabberson didn't know what was really going on with Wutai when they were making POSTERS OF HIM to make his fangirls support the war and his fanboys pack up and join the army. Plus it was always fun to make Zack pick up treasure for me. So yeah, Zack and the Yuffie, totally cool.

A note on the Sephy war posters: Cloud refuses to look me in the eye when I ask him if he ever owned one. I find this very suspicious and revealing.

The Zack and the Barret have gotten along well ever since Zack decided to be nice to his kid. Because if there's one way to get on Barret's good side, it's to make friends with his kid. I imagine this went well, considering Zack's kind of a kid at heart himself. You'll often here the Barret scolding Zack for not taking things too seriously or being too loud or too flashy (Pot. Kettle. Black, just saying. I mean, it's not like I was saying those things. I'm not loud and flashy at all.), but it's all kind of affectionate grumbling, like the sort of thing your old curmudgeony grandpa might say. And speaking of old curmudgeons—

Gawd, Vinnie, I wasn't talking about you! You're not old! You're just...well, okay kind of old, but coffin time doesn't count! I meant Cid!

Stop looking over my shoulder you vampire creep! No, I am not writing down slanderous lies about Barret again. Hey—that was one time and you have to admit, it was pretty darn funny! Well, it's not my fault he decided to shoot up the wall. Oh, get a sense of humor, Dracula!

_Yuffie sighed as Vincent walked away, turning around and keeping her back to the others as she hunched over her notebook and started scribbling. _

Sorry about that. Technical difficulties. Remind me not to read this stuff aloud while I write it. Now, where were we?

Oh yeah. Cid. So, like previously mentioned, the Cid is kind of confused as far as Zack goes. He doesn't want to admit he's cool with Zack, because admitting he's cool with Zack would kind of go against his whole "I'm a tough guy and hate everyone especially Shinra dudes" personality. But he's secretly cool with Zack, even though he grumbles and growls at Zack to leave him alone when Zack tries to make him more sociable. Like I said in my article about Cid, this is just how he says hi.

Zack was one of the first (besides Aerith and strangely Sephiroth) to get over the whole OMG A TALKING ANIMAL aspect of Red. He treats Red like a full-fledged two-legged member of the party—well, okay, we all do, but it's just one of those things that Zack does. He respects Red a lot and lets Red give advice when he wants to, which is a good thing, because Red usually knows what he's talking about when he decides to talk.

Alright, Vinnie, NOW I'm talking about you. Of course, now he's not listening. Well, whatever. Anyway, the Vincent and the Zack have a decent relationship. Zack's trying to get him to be less emo, a motion I fully support, by trying to get him to join the "group of people who hang out around the campfire at night", otherwise known as everyone who likes food. Which is everyone. Zack is genuinely curious about a lot of the things that Vincent knows and has seen...etc., and I think he acknowledges that Vinnie has a lot more experience than him, because he asks Vincent questions once in a while.

Finally, Tifa. Zack and Tifa have this mutual "let's watch out for Cloud" thing going for them. They get along great, but then again, Tifa's got the personality type that Zack makes friends with easily—no-nonsense, but with a sense of humor, great in a fight, and doesn't get scared off easily. I think he admires how tough she is, because I mean, come on. It takes GUTS to go up against a monster or a bad guy or a Tsviet with nothing but your fists when everyone else around you is packing swords twice their height or enough guns and ammo to blow up a building.

This list was in no particular order because besides putting Aerith, Cloud, Kunsel, Cissnei, and Seph near the top, it's kind of hard to come up with a friend ranking for Zack. He treats everyone more or less the same—except, you know, Aerith, because if he treated us all like he treated Aerith, this would get very creepy very fast.

Oh wait, forgot someone. Tseng. Yeah, Tseng is a complicated story. Apparently they used to be friends back in their Shinra days—well, in as much as Tseng can HAVE friends...Can Tseng have friends? And Zack has decided that Tseng's whole attacking them thing now is nothing personal. However, because he's Zack and not a Turk, that doesn't stop him from getting occasionally ticked off at Tseng for chasing him down. Not to mention, I strongly suspect Tseng has or at least has had a crush on his girl, so that's bound to make things awkward.

Tseng, remember the bro code man! And don't listen to whatever Reno says the bro code is—he's WRONG. (P.S: Elena's totally into you.) — Writing this because Tseng is Tseng, and since he knows everything that's going on, I wouldn't be surprised if he picks this up and reads it someday. Also, Tseng, you suck, you frigging treasonous—[string of Wutaiian characters and exclamation points].

Okay, you know what. How about we stop here and just say that the Zack is friends with everyone. Even you. Yes, even you, reader, can be Zack's friend. Would you like to be Zack's friend? TOO LATE! You're befriended!

**Least Favorite People: **So, after all of that friendly friendly friendliness, you're probably wondering what on earth you can do to get on Zack's bad side. And the answer is: It's not actually that difficult. Zack's kind of a hothead, and he definitely has a bit of a saving people thing going on. Pick on the weak and defenseless in front of him, and you might find yourself remembering that cute excitable puppies have teeth and claws. He has his own opinion of right and wrong, so it's not hard to tick him off.

The amazing feat is making him stay ticked off at you. That's when you know you're doing something wrong with your life. See, the thing is, Zack might get mad easily but he doesn't stay mad unless you do something really awful. Said awful things include hurting his friends, hurting his girlfriend, hurting his friends who happen to be girls, or, I don't know, burning down a small town or dropping a metal plate on thousands of innocent people.

Why how did you know Genesis and Rosso were going to make this list?

Alright, might as well start with the basics. Zack's got no love lost for Shinra, so it's obvious that current president Rufus Shinra is on his "do not like" list. Rufus has the amazing distinction of doing all the things Zack hates without actually getting his hands dirty himself, although in fairness, he didn't approve Sector 7 or the Wutai War or Hojo's experiments, so if you look at the actual body count, his dad was way worse, which is probably why Zack's opinion of Rufus is more like obligatory dislike than full on hatred. But when it comes to villainy, Rufus is off to a pretty good start, so don't worry your pretty little head, Rufus. You are well on the way to getting an appointment with the business end of the Buster Sword.

It's no surprise that the people Zack really hate are those that have actually proven time and time again that there's no hope for them—specifically, Genesis, Rosso, and Nero. Zack and Genesis weren't off to a good start, but Genesis burning down Nibelheim and continually attacking his friends doesn't exactly make things easier. Alright, so we all know Genny is Sephiroth's fight, hands down, but that doesn't mean Zack wouldn't help if he could suddenly sprout wings and fly. As for Rosso and Nero, well that doesn't need any explanation. They're both complete psychopaths who kill people because it's fun and have turned their sights on Zack's nearest and dearest more than once.

Rosso gets special mention for being the only girl on this end of the list. Let's be real, Zack's a fan of equality and all, but he's not exactly gender-blind when it comes to battle (or, well, anything). He's fine having girls fight _with _him, he just can't really bring himself to fight _against _them. (Probably why they assigned Cissnei to watch him instead of Tseng or Reno, because I mean, come on, anyone can beat up Reno). Unless they're Rosso. He will make an exception for Rosso. (And Jenova, but I mean, Jenova doesn't really COUNT—have you seen that thing?)

Oh, and of course, there's Hojo. You'd think with a brain like that he'd have realized that managing to piss off Vincent, Zack, andSephiroth all at once is not exactly conducive to healthy living.

**Recommendation: **Walk right up to him and start a conversation. Or, if you're too shy to approach, stand in the corner and glance up at him every now and then. He will eventually come by and introduce himself. Zack likes to talk, he likes to meet people, he makes friends fast and keeps them until further notice. He can be opinionated, stubborn, and a little excitable, but if you have an argument with him, don't worry. He's quick to forgive. Just don't go out and do something truly horrible, and you'll have a loyal new friend backing you up. It's just like getting a new puppy.

Of course, just like a puppy, he can be kinda loud, kinda silly, and occasionally breaks the furniture. Don't worry, though. He's house trained. And if he gets out of hand, just shoot Aerith a glance. She keeps him on a short leash~

**Final Conclusion: **I think I've pretty much said everything that needs to be said. Zack can be a goof, and he can be irrational and hotheaded, and he can be stupidly optimistic. Whether you like that or not, that's your call. I like that. I think a lot of us do. We need a little bit of that once in a while, because otherwise Cloud and Seph and Vinnie (oh my God, Vinnie .) would just wind up crash-landing in Emoville. I mean, come on, I'm a shining ray of sunshine, but I...well, when I try and cheer people up, it just makes things worse.

So reluctantly, I am forced to admit that there is someone who is better than the Great Ninja Yuffie at something. But you know what, I'm okay with that. 'Cause if that something is being good with people, well...I'm willing to leave that one to Zack. Because, I mean, that seems like a lot of work—all that "going the extra mile" and "putting others before yourself". I mean, we've all got different motivations for being here. Vinnie's here for revenge. Cissy's here because she sees this as her mission. Cloud's in it because we all are. Barret wants to fix the Planet. Tifa wants to take Shinra down. Aerith wants to find herself. Seph wants to make Genesis quit his huge freaking diva tantrum. When you get down to it, though, we're all here 'cause we feel like we have to be, and everyone's trying to help the world because they feel like they have to. Zack's here because he wants to be here. Because to him, it's right. He's not perfect, but sometimes I get the feeling that he's the only one in it just to save the world.

Kinda funny, when you think about it. It's only now that he's let go of his hero dream that he's actually on his way to becoming one.


	6. Subject 05: The Tifa

**Yuffie's Guide to Everything**

**By:**

**Mystwalker**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

**A/N:** Thanks go to **Draconic, JazzQueen, ryuukoshi, DJ Meltdown of Ground Xero, Cosara Peregringale, **and **Writter'sblott** for your reviews and support! Enjoy this chapter!

XxXxX

**Subject 05: The Tifa**

**Also Known As:** Tifa. Tifa Lockhart. Teef. Bartender. Whatever inappropriate name the local drunks can think of.

**Can Be Found In: **Tifa's usually somewhere near the head of the group. If she's not with Cloud or getting followed around by Cloud, then you're likely to find her with Aerith or otherwise around the camp somewhere. Or training. Tifa trains a lot. Tifa's hometown is Nibelheim, like Cloud, but also like Cloud, she doesn't exactly have the best memories of that place.

**Physical Characteristics:** Um…okay, what's the polite way to say this? Tifa has two very noticeable attributes, and if you're a guy, I don't need to tell you what those are. Other than that, she's definitely got a brawler's figure. Tifa's tough. She's 5'5" of strength and speed, and you do not want to get a punch or a kick from that girl.

Tifa has long hair, like, really long. It goes all the way to the backs of her knees, although she usually keeps it tied at the end. It's straight and black, and the jury's still out on who has the longest hair in the group, her or Sephiroth (I think Sephy wins because he's taller, so his hair has to go for longer to get to where it stops, although Tifa wins if you're considering the ratio of hair length to body height). She's been talking about cutting it when all of this is over though.

Seriously though, she and Seph are like the Yin and Yang of perfect hair. It's so not fair to the rest of us, I'm telling you!

She usually wears a short white shirt, black skirt, and suspenders, and has brown eyes that occasionally look red or red violet in the right light ("wine-colored" is a common term used to describe them). Tifa's a martial artist by trade—her weapons are her fists, and not much more than that and she still manages to hold her own, which just makes her awesome in my book. She'll occasionally dress them up with clawed gloves or metal knuckles to cause maximum damage.

**Notable Behavior:** The Tifa is the motherly person of the group, always making sure that everyone is fed and safe and not injured and doing their chores. If members of the group have plans to go somewhere and do something, Tifa knows about it. If someone's sick and trying to hide it, Tifa knows about it. If someone is injured and off doing something they shouldn't, Tifa will probably be one of the first people to try and stop them. She's got eyes everywhere and her hands involved in everything, and if Zack spends his time worrying about the emotional well-being of the group and Sephiroth wants everyone kept in prime fighting condition, Tifa worries about everyone's physical well-being. And by that, we mean she tries to get Cid to stop smoking, tries to get Barret to eat a vegetable every now and then, and tries, often unsuccessfully, to stop certain group members' desires to blindly rush into danger. She's the first person to show up with a scolding and a first aid kit for stupid mistakes, and she is not at all intimidated by people who hate getting told 'I told you so'.

Of course, all that doesn't mean she isn't tough in her own right, because she is. Tifa joined AVALANCHE way before Zack or Sephiroth or Cloud—she was a member of Barret's group before it even had a prayer of making a difference against Shinra. And while she might be the first person in the group to try and stop unnecessary fighting, when it comes down to a necessary fight, she's usually the first one there. Tifa isn't afraid to knock a few heads to get to the solution she wants, which is unfortunate, because when it comes down to capability, Tifa can really knock a few heads. She's strong and strong-willed, and although she doesn't say much to call attention to herself, she's not the type of person to quit when the going gets tough either.

**Favorite People: **Yeah, we all know who Tifa's favorite person is. There's no hiding it from anyone. Tifa is head over heels for Cloud Strife. The two of them have it all—childhood friends, dramatic backstory, a somewhat cheesy but still sweet promise…oh, and the fact that neither of them can spit it out! Seriously, I don't know which pair is more frustrating, them or Seph and Cissnei, because at least with Seph and Cissnei you know one of them doesn't have a clue and the other has some messed up sense of duty, with Cloud and Tifa it's just like—"WHY?!" At least one of you is a fairly emotionally healthy human being, just spit it out already! Cloud, I'm looking at you, TAKE A HINT.

(Erm…so…I really WAS looking at Cloud…and now he's looking at me weird. Back off, Cloud, I'm working here.)

Aside from that amazing amount of frustrating-ness, I did mention that Tifa was kind of the Team Mom of the group. So it makes sense that she cares about just about everyone in the group. So, yeah. She and Zack get along pretty well. They're good friends, they both like to keep an eye out for Cloud, and as I literally just mentioned in my last entry, Zack's kinda impressed by her. Heck, I'm kinda impressed by her. And why not? She's pretty, she's tough, and she can probably drink the non-mako enhanced half of this group under the table. Like Cissy, she's reached "one of the guys" level in Zack's books.

Oh yeah, and Tifa and Aerith are pretty much BFFs. Sure, all of us girls are kinda close, because I mean, come on, we're kind of outnumbered here, but Tifa and Aerith get along really well with each other. The two are kind of complete opposites, in a way. On Tifa's side you have this girl who looks like she could kick your butt (and probably can), all dressed up in black and white and boots and gloves with like, metal knuckles or claws on the end or whatever, but she's actually really sweet as long as you're not fighting her and…kinda motherly and home-makery when you think about it, and on the other hand you have this girl who dresses up in pink and carries flowers around all day and smiles a lot, but oh my gosh, she's surprisingly sneaky and kind of manipulative and a little bit of a tease. (Not that Aerith isn't sweet, but let's review her track record here: Managed to confuse Kunsel into breaking company policy to give her Materia and a staff while he was still working for Shinra, managed to convince Tseng to let her stay on the street until he absolutely had to take her in, AND, I cannot stress this enough, SHE GOT CLOUD TO PUT ON A DRESS. Granted, it was to save Tifa, but let's see you try to convince Cloud that dressing up in drag is the only possible solution to a problem.)

Well, since we started on the girls, we might as well continue. Tifa and Cissnei get along well. They respect each other a lot, and usually don't step on each other's toes when it comes to their ideas for what's best for the team. And Tifa and..er…the Yuffie get along okay too. I mean, the Yuffie's fairly impressed with her, alright, but on the other hand, she's kind of a killjoy that won't let the Yuffie have any fun—I wasn't hurting anyone, okay! I was just running around on rooftops stealing Materia and pulling pranks but no…it's always 'what if you get hurt, Yuffie?' or 'what if you hurt someone, Yuffie?' or 'what if you get arrested?' or 'stop stealing Vincent's cloak and hanging it from trees like a flag, Yuffie, he's getting really annoyed."

Well, sucks to be him!

She was the first person of the group to join up with AVALANCHE, back even before Cloud and the others joined, so she knows Barret the longest. And it shows. As far as working relationships go, Barret probably trusts Tifa more than anyone else in the group to get the job done, if only because he knows how she works. But you also get the feeling that they don't really understand why the other person does what they do. Tifa wishes Barret would be a bit more moderate, and Barret's all like, screw that, down with the Shinra! Rawr rawr rawr, me big tough guy.

She and Seph don't spend a lot of time talking, but they aren't enemies either, when they do talk, it's respectful on both sides. The Yuffie is of the opinion that the two of them should not be allowed within 5 feet of each other, because the world has a great hair per square meter limit and exceeding that limit may cause problems with the Lifestream…or something. (Seriously, how do you DO THAT, we are like in the middle of freaking NOWHERE, that is just not FAIR). She gets along fine with Vincent too, nothing to report. The two of them don't really talk too much, but then again…it's Vincent.

She treats Red like any other member of the team, right down to the point where she fusses over injuries. I think Red is kind of amused by this, because when she's fussing over a wounded paw or something, I catch him giving her a look like, 'woman, I am a cat-lion-dog-wolf-thingy with claws and teeth and a tail on FIRE and I am probably also way older than you. I promise you, I will not die.' Of course he's Red, so he would probably say it more seriously.

She and Kunsel hit it off fairly well when he first joined up, and because Kunsel hangs out a lot with Zack who hangs out a lot with Cloud and Aerith who hang out a lot with Tifa, it follows that Kunsel ends up hanging out a lot with Tifa. I think that's like the associative property or something…I don't know, it's been a while since I've done math. So, um, yeah, where was I going with this? Oh right, they get along. And they can bond over their destroyed/rebuilt hometowns and dead parents!

Finally, Cid. What's there to say about Cid? He's cool with Tifa, she's cool with him, he's NOT cool with the fact that she keeps trying to take away his cigarettes. He finally pointed out that she can't get at him for smoking when she's a bartender and alcohol's bad for you too. Tifa retorted with the fact that she doesn't carry a flask around with her everyday so it doesn't count. But yeah, it's all bluster—they like each other. It's almost an affectionate argument over cigarettes.

**Least Favorite People: **Like most of us, Tifa has some deep grudges against the Shinra Corporation. She's not as bad as Barret, who can be kind of extreme, but she does have it out for them. She just, you know, doesn't want to kill them all. And, hey, Rufus Shinra didn't exactly impress her with his little "inaugural speech" bit, so it's safe to say that she would gladly give him a punch in the jaw if she saw him. And maybe a kick in the pants for Sector 7 too.

She's somewhat neutral when it comes to Tseng and the Turks, probably because nobody really knows whose side Tseng is on. I mean, sure at the end of the day Rufus signs his paychecks, but he's pulled a lot of weird stuff since the group left Midgar that make us wonder what sort of game he's trying to play. (Personally, I don't think he's playing a game, I think he's just delaying the "pull the trigger on Cissnei/Aerith" moment and letting the big dogs fight it out amongst themselves). And we've been helped out by ex-Turks before courtesy of Cissnei, so it's really hard to say what's going on on that avenue.

But if there's someone Tifa really dislikes on Shinra's roster, it's probably going to be Rosso the Crimson. She was there when that button got pressed for Sector 7, and she remembers how much that psycho enjoyed it. I don't think she's gonna forget that any time soon. As for the other Tsviets, well, no one's really sure what's going on with Shelke, and she hasn't personally encountered Nero, although I'm sure she'd hate him if she did.

Oh, and Hojo gives her the creeps. Which, yeah, fair enough. Hojo gives everyone the creeps.

**Recommendation: **You don't have anything to worry about with Tifa. She's not going to suddenly go crazy on you, and she's not going to snap at you like the Cid might. But she might be a little suspicious of you, if you show up without a reason and start trying to worm your way into the group. And don't go around insulting any of her friends, or you're going to get it. Otherwise, just go up to her and start a conversation. You'll be fine, I promise.

(But if you're a dude, please remember to talk to her face, m'kay?)

**Final Conclusion: **It's safe to say that being an eco-terrorist world-saving martial artist vigilante was in no way shape or form part of Tifa's life plans. This is a girl who grew up in the middle of nowhere and spent most of her younger years showing Shinra people how to get up to the Mako Reactor without falling off the mountain and looking like complete idiots. She didn't grow up with any big "I want to be a hero" dreams, isn't a princess, wasn't raised as a fighter, and for most of her life, hadn't even left Nibelheim. And then life decided, oh, you know what? You have it too easy. Here, take a couple of mutant science experiments, some fire, and oh yeah, let's kill off your dad while you're at it. Oh, hey, you're still alive? Now what are you going to do? She got dragged into this whole mess by being in the wrong place at the wrong time—if she'd been born in any other town, she'd probably still be there.

And you know what? She's done pretty well because of it. For sixteen years, she had a normal life, and then her world pretty much fell apart. Weaker people break when stuff like that happens. Tifa decided, no, I'm better than that, pulled herself back together, and started training in martial arts, then ran off, joined AVALANCHE, and decided to take the fight to them. She didn't even do it for Cloud, when she started this whole thing, she didn't even know that Cloud was still alive. She did it for herself, and despite how she feels about Cloud, you get the feeling that if Cloud up and left the party tomorrow, she'd carry on as she always has.

So yeah, Tifa's pretty tough.

I wouldn't take her lightly.


	7. Subject 06: The Vincent

**Yuffie's Guide to Everything**

**By:**

**Mystwalker**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

**A/N:** Finally, _The Vincent _is out. I'm sorry this took so long. Life caught up with me, and _Another Side_ got demanding and I really, really, really wanted to write _Our Generation_, but here it is. Enjoy it!

Thanks go to **Furionknight, JazzQueen, DJ Meltdown of Ground Xero, TOWTWUKER, random-k, **and **HeartofFyrwinde **for your reviews and supported. It's much appreciated!

XxXxX

**Subject 06: The Vincent**

**Also Known As: **Vincent. Vincent Valentine. Vinnie. Vin-Vin. Ex-Turkey. Vampire dude. Sir Emopants III.

**Can Be Found In: **The dark corners of the world under the shadows of death and despair. Or something as sufficiently emo as that. What this usually means is that he's always off brooding by himself when we make camp, or in his tent, or up a tree. Check the nearest tree. (Seriously, Vinnie, not helping the vampire image).

**Physical Characteristics:** It's really hard to describe Vincent's appearance. On one hand, it looks like he fell into a dumpster while covered in superglue and magnets and decided to keep whatever stuck to his body. But on the other hand, damnhe can pull it off. By all rights, he should look completelyridiculous—the man has a ratty red cape, a bandanna, and a gold claw for Leviathan's sake!—but you know what? He's not actually that bad. (Except for those shoes. I have a vendetta against those pointy shoes. Side note, he's not amused when you sneak into his tent and attempt to pry them off his feet and chuck them off a cliff.)

I think part of it is Vinnie does have this whole mysterious brooding vampire thing going on. He has long black hair—not as long as Seph's, but long enough, that he ties back with a bandanna and oh Gaia, those eyes. That color of red should not, cannot, and must not be normal, but when he looks at you, it's like the sort of thing that makes crazy fangirls weak at the knees and he has a deep voice and—er…where was I going with this?

Ummm…soooo…yeah.

Vincent. Vampire. Yep. Not—not like I'm into that! Vampires were soooo last year!

Oh, and he fights with a gun, which he wields with scary accuracy. And he can also transform into a lot of different interesting things.

Yuffie's Rating: Uh…I'll come back to this one!

**Notable Behavior:** Vincent broods. Like a lot. Like a "seriously, cut it out, life actually isn't all that bad" lot. I mean, you know, in fairness, dude has kind of had it hard, what with being at Hojo's mercy, then left for dead in a coffin for thirty years, then waking up and having to deal with the voices in his head while attempting to save the world. Not to mention, the girl he liked dumped him for HOJO which is like a special kind of wrong.

That said, Vinnie has a pretty strong tendency to sit off by himself and stare into the distance, even more than Sephiroth does. That's not to say he's brooding all the time. When he's not being Lifesucks McSlitwrist, he's a pretty reliable guy. He looks out for everyone's welfare (but on the down low, because he's Vinnie), and knows just about everything that's going on (because the guy was once a Turk, and Turks are weird and creepy like that). He's got a dry sense of humor, and has been seen to occasionally make a snarky remark, kind of like Seph does.

**Favorite People: **Huh…this is a difficult question for Vin Vin. Where to start? Well, everyone likes puppies, so Zack it is!

I was over this in Zack's entry. Zack's friends with everyone. Like, everyone. Unless you're like completely evil, Zack will probably want to be friends with you. So it goes without saying that of course, Zack is friends with Vincent. Vinnie just doesn't know it yet! Zack has made it his mission in life to get Vinnie to string two sentences together in a conversation on his own, so he'll often invite Vincent over to sit around the campfire and talk. I think Vinnie secretly has a soft spot for Zack—which would surprise absolutely nobody. Except maybe Zack. But for all his ability to read people, he can be really dense when it concerns him.

And then there's Sephiroth. In another life, Vinnie might have been Sephy's father. (And between you and me, I'm still not convinced he isn't. But Vinnie won't let me close enough to get a DNA sample, and after Operation Pink Panther, Sephy ain't letting me anywhere near his hair.) Vincent had a thing for Sephiroth's mom, and Sephy was more relieved to hear that than anybody should have a right to be, because it told him that his mom wasn't really a creepy face-stealing alien. Just a scientist willing to use him for an experiment. Hey, sometimes, angst is relative! Seph's probably one of the few people Vincent goes out of his way to talk to, probably because he feels some sort of responsibility to Lucrecia to look out for him, and Sephiroth respects him a lot. (And it's occurred to me that Vincent would totally be able to make a 'your mom' joke, and Seph wouldn't be able to say anything. Hah.)

Again, like I mentioned, Tifa and Vincent get along fine, no problems there. They don't talk a whole lot because Vincent makes a rock look conversational, but there's respect there. Tifa remembers him when it's time to eat, Vincent says thank you, Tifa smiles, and all's well and good. He and Cid have this whole bromance thing going on—see my entry on El—The Cid for that, it's all weird loner guy stuff. . And there's nothing really to report between him and Kunsel. They get along, Vincent respects him and vice versa, they don't step on each other's toes, and everything's okay. Kunsel has a habit of being really sneaky and observant, something that Vinnie recognizes in himself, so that probably helps too. I think Vincent thinks there's more to Kunsel than meets the eye, which makes me wonder about that too.

Buuuut, anyway…

Vinnie and Cloud get along okay. They don't really get each other right now, but I think they might really be kindred spirits under all of that. Vincent and Cloud both have this annoying habit of taking responsibility for everything. And I mean everything. If one of their friends so much as sneezes in their presence, they will find a way to blame themselves and say they should have gotten said friend out of the rain.

He and Red are pretty close, and not just because they're both outcasts that share the same favorite color (I have it on good authority that contrary to popular believe, Red's favorite color is actually purple. Um…I think). He and Red can usually be seen sitting together a little bit away from the campfire, talking about boring things like stars or people (I'm not talking about gossip either. We're talking conversations about human nature here.) Then again, they are two of the longest lived people on this team, so I guess they can kind of make sense! Like two old people talking in a nursing home~ Kids these days.

And speaking of the strange and wonderful, Vincent and Aerith make for an interesting combination. They don't talk a whole whole lot, not really, although Aerith does try to reach out to him from time to time, but that doesn't mean Vincent hasn't noticed that there's something a little…more than human about her. He definitely gets the whole otherworldly vibe Aerith has going for her sometimes, and there have been times when I've caught him giving her this look of…awe (?). I think that's the right word. Vinnie probably has the same feeling the rest of us do—Aerith's important somehow, and it's all going to boil down to her sooner or later. (Although my awesome ninja skills are gonna make it a good fight!)

In The Cissnei, I mentioned "the Turk Effect", otherwise known as this weird invisible suit that every member of the Turks seem to be wearing that allow them to identify each other at a glance. Being a Turk, even an ex-Turk (or even a rookie Turk like Elena) kind of makes you family (the kind of 'family' that wears suits, has their claws in half the world, and causes enemies to go sleep with the fishes). So because of this, it's no surprise that Vincent has some sort of weird "we're on opposite sides but I still acknowledge you, and dammit, I'm senior, so show me some respect, you whippersnappers" thing going on with Tseng and co. Not that he'll say so much outright. Sometimes he'll just glare. But Vinnie takes first place in the "AVALANCHE Scariest Glare" competition, narrowly beating out Seph as second. The red eyes sell it, I'm telling you. (Reno dropped Vincent's arm like it was made of lava after a Vinnie-Glare the last time he tried to hold Vincent back.)

Nothing much to report on the Vincent and Barret front, the two don't really interact. Except maybe to talk guns. And even then, it's just Barret chattering with the occasional grunt from Vincent, followed by Barret glancing at him and saying "You ain't much a talker, are you?" like this is big news. It's not that Vincent doesn't like Barret, though. Oh no. You'll know if Vincent doesn't like you. You'll know very fast. And then you'll probably die. Or wet yourself. Or both.

Speaking of the Turk Effect, nowhere does it show more effect than it does with Cissnei. Vinnie and Cissy are both Ex-Turks, and like I mentioned in her entry, this is a big deal. It means they're still part of the same 'family', except Cissy is the red-headed stepchild who nobody understands, and Vinnie is like the old uncle who lives upstairs who everyone leaves alone and who has made it his mission to keep the little brat off the streets because he sees a little bit of himself in her. Vincent sees what all of us with two eyes and half a brain see—Cissy is head-over-heels in love with Sephiroth and won't admit it. Since Vincent has ample experience with love that is only unrequited because one party is being a weirdo and the regret that comes afterward, he can occasionally be seen trying to steer Cissnei in the right direction by telling her straight out to tell Sephiroth what he feels. (Note: For Vinnie, this isn't 'steering', this is putting out the detour signs and shooting flares—FOR LEVIATHAN'S SAKE, GIRL, LISTEN TO HIM! DO YOU WANT TO END UP UNHAPPY, POSSESSED AND WEARING POINTY SHOES?)

Er…yeah…so we're at that part of this list, aren't we? The Vinnie and the Yuffie…or as I like to call them…Valenffie! (What? It'll catch on!) Ooh, or maybe…Vinaragi! (Yufficent? Kisatine? Gosh, this is harder than it looks…)

Um…so…yeah. Nothing to see here. Move along people! Sheesh, don't any of you have jobs? Get lost!

…

Ugh, fine. I'd like to think that Vinnie and I make a good team, and he at least tolerates my presence (He better! Because I'm not going to stop bugging him until he does!) He talks to me in that "why are you still here?" tone, but he doesn't really tell me to go away, just says things like "Don't you want to go talk to Aerith?" in an attempt to grab my attention. But it's not gonna work! So yeah, that's totally it. It's weird, but it works, what more do you wanna know?

…

Okay fine, Ialsothinkhe'stotallyhot.

Happy now, you vultures?!

"_Oi, brat, what're you blushing at?!" shouted Cid from over the campfire. "You writing in your #*%ing diary again?!" _

"_It's not a diary!" shouted Yuffie, face red. _

Erm…um…so, yeah. Where was I?

I'd like to say that's all the people Vincent likes, but there is one other. Lucrecia. Otherwise known as Sephiroth's mom. I don't know the full story about her—Vinnie's never told me, but from what I can gather, Vincent didn't say anything and she ended up going to Hojo, who then used her unborn son as a guinea pig for his science project. (Oh, and KILLED Vinnie. That's kind of a big deal). In my opinion, anyone that would pass up Vincent for Hojo needs to get their head examined, but…

…it's a touchy subject with him. So…yeah. Old wounds. Don't poke them.

"_Wanna tell me about her?" asked Yuffie, sitting with Vincent on a patch of grass just close enough away from the camp to see and hear them, but far enough away to not be heard. It was Vincent's favorite distance, and she hadn't really had to look very hard to find the gunslinger. He gave her his usual stare as she approached, but he didn't really say anything as she plopped herself down on the grass, turning towards him. _

"_Who?" asked Vincent. _

"_You know," said Yuffie, twirling her fingers together. She didn't look directly at him, her knees drawn up close to her chest. "Lucrecia." _

_Vincent's frown was answer enough. "Why do you want to know about that?" he asked. _

"_Because I just do," said Yuffie. "I mean, you're one of the group, so…um, guess you could say I'm kind of curious?" _

_He looked away, glancing back at the ground. Yuffie frowned, sitting back on the grass and waiting. She could be surprisingly patient when she had to be, but that didn't mean she wasn't completely stubborn too. At length, he sighed, glancing at her. "It's not important," he said. _

"_Maybe," said Yuffie. "I'm just curious. Did you love her?" _

_Vincent's silence was answer enough. _

**Least Favorite People: **Vincent's not a social guy, but hate is a strong word for him. Hate is reserved for the people that he really dislikes, the people that can go burn in hell. He dislikes the Shinra company, but he doesn't have the same hate for it that some people here do (like Barret). I feel like if Rufus decided the next day that he was going to stop fighting and having people killed, Vincent would be okay with that. Barret, for example, might not. I can see Rufus and Vincent having a civil conversation when all's said and done—not a friendly conversation, but—you know. Civil.

For the Tsviets, the answer's less clear. I think in Vincent's mind, fighting them is really more of a necessity than an emotional venture. Weiss isn't going to stop, so he needs to die. Nero is gonna keep on killing people, so he needs to die. The same thing goes for Rosso, and for Azul. Shelke has some hope going for her—he'll save her if he can. It's a little more heated with Rosso, Nero, and Weiss (they obviously get on his nerves), but still. When you get down to the wire, it's execution, not revenge killing. Turk-style.

Genesis pisses him off, you can tell, and Jenova disturbs him, but it's not his fight. He fights because Lucrecia's son is in the game, not necessarily because he has any particular grudge.

There is someone he does hate, though. Hojo. If the group had a contest to see who has more cause to turn Hojo into Swiss cheese, Vincent would win hands down. Sephiroth might be the only person who comes close to having more reason to hate Hojo than Vincent does. Vincent doesn't show emotion, but when Hojo comes up, you can tell. There's fury there, all distilled into one heated glare. It's like if he could, he would rip Hojo apart, and he wouldn't even use his gun or one of his Limits to do it.

**Recommendation: **Hmm…tough. If you're really determined to be Vincent's friend, you kind of have a hard road ahead of you. He's not an easy person to get to know, and he's got walls like a maximum security prison. I recommend the Yuffie Method. Stay with him, talk to him, and don't let him tune out to the conversation. It's going to feel like you're talking to a wall, but hang in there! If he stays put, he's listening. If he leaves, don't follow him—try again next time. Persistence is the key!

And I swear, I will wear him down!

**Final Conclusion: **Vinnie's interesting. He's not really obtrusive or overt, but you always know he's there. He's like that shadow at the edge of your vision that you just can't shake—you know where he is in a room. He might not seem like it at first glance but he's very…intense. He's not unemotional, on the contrary, he feels things like a storm. He just doesn't show it. He's very controlled, but you get the feeling that if he dropped that, you'd be blown away.

And, yes, he's totally hot. I mean, dang.

Thankfully, he doesn't know about this book, so I can say whatever I want!


End file.
